I’m at an age now where a mid-life crisis should be taking hold. Nearly 50, living in a nice suburban enclave, driving a modest 4-door sedan…this is how American Beauty starts. My version of that is remembering how I was once connected to music and movies in a deeper sense than I have been in the past few years, nearly a decade.

I’ve stopped seeking new music or trying to discover new music and instead settled into the familiar monotony of the same 100-150 songs on repeat via various Spotify playlists. I’ve allowed my brain to be complacent in the way we all do when we have family and responsibility. I don’t read as much as I once did. I stay up too late, trolling the internet for something that might be interesting.

This isn’t one of those mid-life crises where I go buy a Corvette and look for Christie Brinkley on the highway. I’m happy in marriage and fatherhood. I’m unhappy in my intellectual stimulation from things that I have, in the past, found to be the beacons that called me from the shore. Music was that light for so many years, it was how I discovered Jazz. I was so excited after hearing “In a Sentimental Mood” by John Coltrane and Duke Ellington for the first time in my early twenties that I couldn’t wait to throw it on every mixtape I made for everyone. It led to me seeking out more Jazz.

I don’t know when that stopped, but I want to get back there. I was a more interesting person back then. I was more energetic about life back then. I guess this is my Jerry Maguire-esque mission statement. Being uncomfortable can be good. Seeking out something challenging can be good. Complacency is rarely good.

Floating through an existence of comfort and sameness is fucking boring. Let’s stop sitting on the internet trying to be entertained. Let’s be a little radical. Let’s be a little weird.